Isn't it amazing?

Hindsight is 20/20. Yes, how typical of a phrase, and how boring. But seriously. Looking back at the past 2 months, I can finally see what God was doing. How is that my disdain for church would lead to a thirst for more of it? How is it that my desperate need for a community, but the lack of one could turn into a place i can't wait to be at? How is it that my anxieties would be calmed? All of this happened...and it happened fast. I knew God was getting my attention, I knew he wanted me to rely on him, to focus on a relationship, but i didn't know where, and i didn't really know how. I tried a little, but used "busy" as an excuse. Then gradually...i realized that my excuses were rather ridiculous. too busy? how lame.

My heart longs and eagerly runs to the Lord. I find myself always desiring to be in relationship with Him, in constant community. Sometimes I wish God were in the flesh so I could just sit and talk and talk with Him. How lucky the disciples were! How human I am for wanting something I can see...

God is amazing. He has lead me to a community where I feel wanted, loved, challenged, and excited. So many great things are happening, and I can't shake this completely ecstatic feeling I have.

I fail a lot though. My desires do not always translate into action. My actions are not always loving. I am not always pleased with what I say, or how I act. But I am learning the true value of forgiveness. Everyday I forgive myself, I ask for forgiveness, and I have to continue to forgive others. I am on a journey of wholeness and healing, and I am smiling big the whole way. There is something truly freeing about Grace and Love. I wish I had believed in it truly before, but I am happy I have accepted it now.

PS. A little advertising: If you haven't read the Shack, do it.