Maybe I need something worth writing about

It seems most blogs talk about tv shows (LOST being my preference), or their kids or something. Well I personally would just rather read other people talking about LOST, and I don't have kids. So what does one write about when they aren't obsessed with something and don't have milestones to record?

No idea. So for now...I'm out of ideas. I'm too busy worrying about grad school and the GREs.

Oh and it's snowing so I'm thinking about moving here:

That would be Myrtle Beach.

Isn't it amazing?

Hindsight is 20/20. Yes, how typical of a phrase, and how boring. But seriously. Looking back at the past 2 months, I can finally see what God was doing. How is that my disdain for church would lead to a thirst for more of it? How is it that my desperate need for a community, but the lack of one could turn into a place i can't wait to be at? How is it that my anxieties would be calmed? All of this happened...and it happened fast. I knew God was getting my attention, I knew he wanted me to rely on him, to focus on a relationship, but i didn't know where, and i didn't really know how. I tried a little, but used "busy" as an excuse. Then gradually...i realized that my excuses were rather ridiculous. too busy? how lame.

My heart longs and eagerly runs to the Lord. I find myself always desiring to be in relationship with Him, in constant community. Sometimes I wish God were in the flesh so I could just sit and talk and talk with Him. How lucky the disciples were! How human I am for wanting something I can see...

God is amazing. He has lead me to a community where I feel wanted, loved, challenged, and excited. So many great things are happening, and I can't shake this completely ecstatic feeling I have.

I fail a lot though. My desires do not always translate into action. My actions are not always loving. I am not always pleased with what I say, or how I act. But I am learning the true value of forgiveness. Everyday I forgive myself, I ask for forgiveness, and I have to continue to forgive others. I am on a journey of wholeness and healing, and I am smiling big the whole way. There is something truly freeing about Grace and Love. I wish I had believed in it truly before, but I am happy I have accepted it now.

PS. A little advertising: If you haven't read the Shack, do it.

love is...

I fail at love so often, and each time I fail I feel miserable. I try so hard, and then I get annoyed and I say something that's not loving, or I get too easily angered, or I say something I shouldn't, or I act out selfishly. It's so frustrating to so easily be so selfish and not loving. How weak I truly am! I will truly fail if I try to love on my own. But I will continue striving for love. I will love my family, I will love Ben the way he truly deserves, I will love my friends, I will love my coworkers, and I will love even strangers, even those who do not love me. I will try. I will not always succeed, but I am learning. How badly I wish to be completely loving. How wonderful a world we would live in if this is what we all aimed for.

Weather & Attitude.

people in the south are nicer because it's usually sunny. also, it only rains off and on. sure, they have hurricanes, but they still have more sun.

people in massachusetts are jerks ("massholes") because it snows from november (sometimes october) until the middle of march (sometimes april...or may...it has snowed in june...), then it rains from mid-march until mid-june. We only see the sun from june-october. No wonder we're crabby.

I'm ready for it to be june now. I have never been so sick of massachusetts weather in my whole life.

But...I'm learning to be content right?

Well, at least it's not snowing.

Twilight has me hooked.

I have spent my last 4 days of existence completely obsessed with sparkly vampires. It's actually quite pathetic.

But I still have 2 more of the books to read, so until then I won't really be thinking about anything else.

Pick and Choose?

Do you ever hear someone quote something from Leviticus to back up their religious (and sometimes political) point? I'm sure we've all heard someone use the Bible to back up something they are trying to say. I personally have an issue when someone is willing to use Leviticus to support their standing (particularly regarding homosexuality). But recently, whenever I have called someone out on their use of Leviticus, something doesn't sit well with me. My issue is that they cannot pick and choose things from Leviticus that they decide they are going to live by, or decide to tell people they are going to hell by. I think it's wrong, and it is not the way we are to live any longer.

I wonder why I have such an issue with it, and it's because we all pick and choose. We decide to obey one thing, but go and don't obey something else. We choose to agree with one verse, or one point of view, but not another. By saying we believe in the truth of the Bible, we are supposed to obey it, but then we don't. We decide which rules to obey, and we decide this simply by disobeying.

Which leads me to another thought...

Is it possible to believe in and agree with every part of a religion?

I'm not sure it is.

What do you think?

Eat, Pray, Love.

Only about 20 or so minutes ago, I finished easily the most inspiring book I have read in a long time. I know people say things like this, but trust me, that is a big statement coming from me. I find that in any book, or any movie, I always find some way to become inspired or learn something that can change my life. Maybe it changes one thought, or the way I think about one thing, and maybe I only remember what it was that was so inspiring for only a short time. But nonetheless, I end up changed somehow. "Eat, Pray, Love." definitely changed me. Elizabeth Gilbert does a fantastic job passing on her own influence and her inspiration to her readers through her stories of her painful divorce, and her travels in Italy, India, and Indonesia.

I wanted to write some inspiring, thoughtful, and perhaps humorous reflection about the book, but I am warning you right now not to expect anything. I feel too much pressure writing in a blog that I find my thoughts become fumbled. Some people get nervous public speaking, but I just feel anxious writing in a blog. How silly.

I don't want to oversell this book, or tell you that you must rush to Barnes & Noble and spend $15 on the book, or to your local library this instant. Please don't do that. I think that when you expect too much out of things, you only end up disappointed. I expected a really good book when I bought this one, but I didn't know how inspired I would feel. So, if you read it, don't expect to be inspired, or even expect to like it. You could absolutely hate this book. I have a friend who said it was "okay". After reading it of course, I strongly disagree with her.

Now that I've read this book, I really do want to go to India. I don't want to go alone at all, but I do want to go. I want to witness these holy places, and these places of peace. But, the book doesn't just make me want to travel. I sincerely am thinking about each position Gilbert takes, and her experiences. I find them so intriguing...and inspiring. This is all of course, in a religious sense (hence "pray"). The whole book discusses prayer, God, religion, peace, balance, stability, love, and finding oneself. These are all things I now can't get out of my mind, though I don't know if I agree with everything she said. I can't allow myself to immediately dismiss something because it might not be something I've been taught, or believe in. I think it's important to actually think about something you disagree with, because how else will you know what you really believe?

For example, Gilbert finds it perfectly acceptable to pick and choose things from each religion that we may or may not like. She finds that everyone is truly seeking for God, though they might have their different ways of finding Him. I must say I find this interesting, but I'm not about to adopt it as my own. I don't like the institution of religion in itself. I think this is because I find many Christians are not truly living what they say they believe, or even speaking what they believe! Now, if you know me you know I don't like church. That is not something I will go into here. But...I do like the aspects of other religions. I wish there were more rituals in my life. I don't like rules, but I think rituals are interesting. Why not get up at 5am to pray and meditate? Gilbert herself gets up at 345am while in India (I still find this horrifying, because at one time, that's when I went to bed). I think I could get myself out of bed at 7am, and I almost want to. Sitting in utter and complete (well, not complete, as Abby is awake at that hour, and we all know she is not quiet) silence. I want to find some inner peace, and balance. I want to continue to strive for happiness, something that Gilbert states is not just a stroke of luck for us to have. We have to seek out happiness, and work for it. I like rituals. I think they provide some sort of meaning to life, and I think that many people don't have this.

For now, this ritual, this sense of balance is what I will focus on, it's what I want the most.

So, even though I said not to expect anything from this book, I think you should read it and reflect on it. Feel free to ask if you can borrow it!